More Answers, Even More Questions

So I had the endoscopic ultrasound today. This was (in review) done basically to see just how deep or large the cancer is. In a battle between questions and answers, this little procedure left us with more questions than answers. However, the value of the answers is certainly noteworthy.

The first answer is one I fully expected. I had already had a very strong feeling about it, and I would have been surprised if the doctor had told me otherwise. This is that the cancer is in stage 2. Basically this means it has built itself into the colon wall. This also means I've probably had the cancer for quite some time. This was actually good to hear though, as stage 3 is where things start getting a bit trickier. Stage 1 and 2 are a bit more manageable and predictable. However, stage 2 could very well mean I need the harder of the two surgeries. The amount they have to take out will be more, which also increases the chances of a colostomy. However, neither of these things are known. It still could go either way. I probably won't know until at least monday which surgery I'm getting. And I may not know about the possibility of colostomy until after the surgery has been done. More questions.

The second answer I had also didn't surprise me much, but it surprised everyone else. I still have C Difficile; a fairly significant case of it too. This answered quite a few questions I had in my mind. You see, the doctors had very recently determined the cancer was causing the symptoms (details spared) that were similar to C Difficile. Apparently they were wrong.

It was in fact C Difficile coming back, leaving, then coming back, then leaving, then coming back. This actually cleared my mind a bit learning what I did today. It didn't make sense it was the cancer. It always concerned me that it seemed like I would be starting to get better, and then I'd get worse. Then I'd get better, then worse. But when they ran the first scope and a different test around that time, both came back negative for C Difficile. It was shocking to me. They passed it off as the cancer.

We now know, thanks to the current finding, that the tests came back negative because the infection had been resolved, but it had not been cured entirely. The recent negative results were simply a result of timing. I had been on the medication for it long enough before the tests to provide a negative result. I was then told to get off the medication. Mind you this is the first time since late February that I stopped taking medication of some kind for it. Then, a few days ago I got very ill. VERY ill. Details spared for your enjoyment. Before this, I had been planning on going back to work, after all, I had started to feel somewhat better. It was frustrating when I couldn't because of my new found but awfully familiar...ummm......activities.

But even more of a problem then keeping me from work, is the fact that this C Difficile is going to keep me from surgery. You see, I won't be able to have the operation as long as the C Difficile is present. It would be extremely risky and quite...to put it bluntly.... stupid to proceed to cut me open with a bacterial infection sitting all around it. For obvious reasons. So, this is by far the most disappointing news. There is no word yet how long it will keep me from surgery, only that it may happen. I'll know more details on this on Monday as well. (As a side note, with each blog post I seem to keep saying "We'll know more on said date"; only to learn that said date provides more questions....frustrating to say the least, but I keep on movin on!)

The problem I see, is that an entire month of medicating didn't resolve the C Difficile, this is very discouraging. At any rate, I'll do everything I can to keep fighting. I know my positive attitude can help heal me in so many ways.

One thing that has probably cheered me up more than most news through all of this, is that Colon Cancer can cause a person to be sick a lot. Many of you know me fairly well, and you know that I get sick A TON. Anything that passes my way I'll pick up. If I'm within a football fields length of a common cold virus, it'll find me. Twice. Then after it's done invite a friend. I wish I was overexaggerating.

So, a list of questions and statements I get from co-workers, family, friends, and my boss:
"Why are you sick so much?"
"How could you possibly be sick again?"
"Are you taking your vitamins? You need to get healthy."
"Were you really sick?"
"Weren't you sick like a few weeks ago?"

Finally, instead of "I don't know [insert name here], I don't know why I'm sick all the time, I don't know how I'm possibly sick again, I'm taking my vitamins but it's not working, yes I was really sick do you not believe me, and yes I was sick a few weeks ago what's it to you?"

I can finally give you a good answer:

I was sick all of those times, because of the cancer, and I'm going to beat it and put it all behind me. The cancer and the consistent illness.

Anyway, I hope this post made sense, please let me know if you have any questions. To family and close friends, if you have any questions at all please feel free to call. If I'm not feeling well I won't answer. But do not ever hesitate to call. If you even want to shoot me an e-mail with questions or thoughts, please do. I'll do my best to get back to you. And if you feel the urge to come visit, let me know, and we can work out a time I'm feeling up to it. Honestly there aren't a ton of opportunities where I'm "feeling up to it", but I'll try.

Thank you again for all your wishes and prayers. Keep it up!! The fight continues!