From Travis - Comforting a friend with Cancer

Jessica this is EXACTLY how I've felt. So many times I've wanted to quit chemo. Ive wanted to just scream as loud as I could, curl into bed and bawl my head off, and run away. I've literally fantasized about just letting it beat me so I could get release and go to heaven and let it end. It is the loneliest I've ever felt, the sickest I've ever been, and for the love I'm still exhausted. I think I've given up hope for ever getting my energy back.

But all that being said, I want to win the fight. I put my head down and shoulder forward and take it one day at a time. I do it for my family, my wife, my kids, but most of all myself. I want life to be on my terms. Yes there are days I feel defeated and maybe the cancer or more accurately all the side effects from treatment, win a battle here and there. It sucks. There is no denying it. But I just tell myself to keep fighting. It's incredibly difficult.

I don't even understand how you feel completely. All our fights are different. I'm not an expert. The only one that knows how you feel and how hard it is, is you. Perhaps that's why its so easy to feel alone. And why it's so hard to stay positive and keep fighting. There are no guarantees fighting hard will get a win in the end. But I truly honestly believe it's worth trying to find out. Hang in there please Jessica. So many people love you and are praying for you. And we don't want to let something so rude and horrible to get a win against us. One day at a time, heck, one moment at a time. Hang in there please please please. No promise I will too. Let's do what we can to get some wins on the column. Heaven knows we need it.

 

Trav was given the coolest blanket ever!

From Travis

I already knew we had the best home teachers in the entire world. I had no doubt in my mind, it was obvious. But they're no longer my home teachers, and yesterday they still came over. They brought this. Yes it's a mini Denver Broncos helmet pretty cool by itself right? But then noticed the fact that it's also signed by Chris Harris, one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL. Literally top 10 on pro football focus.

 

From Travis

I look at this picture and a flood of emotion runs through me. Happiness, hope, sadness, fear, regret, satisfaction. All of it and then some. Things were turning "simple" for us when this picture was taken. The next two years provided nothing but progress and hope.

Then it happened. I still remember the exact words and the sound of the doctors voice is as vivid today as it was then "The test came back showing positive for cancer." 4 1/2 years have all but been consumed by disease, illness, depression, anxiety, and worst if all: hopelessness.

Today I fight each day to wake up and I have to make a very and all to real choice to have hope and be as happy as possible. Some of the damage done will never be reversed in this life. Some will with time. And some already has.

But I know I'll be okay. Even if things don't "work out" the way I want. I know God has a plan for me. And someday I'll be back in the arms of my Savior and I'll finally be able to say "I did it, I'm home, thank You, I could not have done it without you ."

He walked!

I can't even begin to explain the joy I have watching Trav walk and to be feeling well enough to enjoy time with the family!!

 

From Travis

Absolutely loving just sitting around with the family. There are so many things I have taken for granted in my life. So many things. As long as I'm alive and have my family I have exactly what I want. All these pains, trials, and tears remind me what I really want.

Despite the fact things aren't done and I'm far from physically normal/stabilized still, I feel so normal at this moment. And it's amazing.

From Travis

Feels good to be home from the hospital. I wish all the painful symptoms would have stayed behind at the hospital, but I will take what I can get. I love being with my family, so it's totally worth it.

Travis in the hospital

Travis is still at the hospital and his release date is TBD! He needs to be able to handle a full liquid diet still. He is determined to get home soon, so he is trying to be good!
Thank you so much to those that sacrificed to help us move yesterday! It's been so hard to do so much without Travs help, but I have been blessed by so many others to help!

Daddy let us stop by for a few minutes! We let him rest most the day so that he can get better and come home, but took him on his daily walk and ordered him his boost! We sure miss having Daddy home!

From Travis:

Hello everyone. I am here at the hospital and just had a visit from Stacy and the kids. It brings up a point I want to ask of everyone. While at the hospital I have a hard time with visitors as my main focus is rest and comfort ( as much as I can anyway). I loved seeing Stacy and the kids, but as they are my family they are the exception. I know people have expressed the desire to come visit. 

Honestly the best thing you can do for me is to allow me to rest and have time to myself while in the hospital. This pretty much applies to anyone not under the same roof at home with me. (So sorry to family under other a different roof!!! )

I hope this does not offend, but in the end when I am in this situation I need to look our for myself. Please wait until after my hospital stay is over before trying to arrange a visit at my home. If we can do that and I feel up to it , then we will.

 Thank you everyone. Your prayers go so much further than a visit at this point. Thanks again.