Update

So this is where we are at.  Travis​ is in a ton of pain. He is on Fentora,  Fentanyl and oxycodone and still has a lot of pain. In order to get Fentora you have to be opioid resistant, have cancer and chronic pain.  It's something the pharmacy only orders for him, they don't just keep it on hand. It blows me away to see how much pain he is still in. He can't walk real well.  He doesn't leave the house unless he really has to, and it's in a wheelchair when he does.

He has a sinus tract in his colon that is allowing stool to flow through, which is what is so painful.  It's causing inflammation and is pressing on his sciatic nerve.

His surgeon won't operate on this part of his colon because it is radiated tissue and the risk is that it won't heal at all and then he will bleed out.  He thinks Trav should get a colostomy. His surgeon was present when Trav got a colonoscopy with his GI doctor, which was cool...but we felt also influenced his opinion.  His GI Dr said he wouldn't hesitate getting a colostomy to improve quality of life.

We have an appointment with a neurologist this week to look at some spasms and hopefully help with pain options.

We are also meeting with another surgeon to get a 2nd opinion this week.  We've been waiting patiently for this appointment, she is at the U and works with colo-rectal cancer!

A colostomy is not the worse thing, but at 33 it's a long term life altering decision that we don't want to rush into.  We are praying for some clarity this week so we can move forward.

From Travis

The plumber just told me that he knows exactly how I feel because he had some hemorrhoids removed.

Colonoscopy

 Happy Friday the 13th! Another Colonoscopy this morning.

Not going well

Just a quick update...as usual we have no idea what's going on with Travis. We have guesses and concerns, we hope to have answers tomorrow, but we assume we'll get more questions instead.

What we do know...Trav is in a lot of pain. For those who saw Trav unable to walk last July. ..we are pretty much back to that...not totally there, but with the rate he's going we are weeks away from that.

There is some colonic debris in his presacaral area, something with his sciatic notch and swelling. All not good things.

I hope and pray for an easy fix or a miracle of some sort, but we are also trying to prepare for all possibilities!

Like a Broken Vessel

Last week our car broke down and Travis was in excruciating pain. I came home from work and fell on my bed and just cried, after I was done feeling bad for myself I accidentally started this video."If the bitter cup does not pass, drink it, and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead!" I am so grateful for the timing of this video, for latter day apostles and for the easy access to these teachings!

Colostomy recommended

Dr. Gonzales(GI dr performing the colonoscopy) recommends a colostomy. There is a sinus tract that is allowing air and other stuff to pass through. It sounds like the fistula is basically still there. He said some day they may be able to operate, but as of right now the risk is not worth it. The tissue looks a lot better then it use to, not as swollen, which I wonder if that's because he has been on ibuprofen. Dr. said if it was him then there would be no hesitation in getting a colostomy. He is supposed to follow up with Dr. Foley(surgeon). Dr. Foley was also present for the Colonoscopy.

As of right now Travis' pain is so severe and the quality of life is diminishing and so a Colostomy is better than this.

They did not biopsy anything because there were no ulceration or mass effect, which is awesome! No visible cancer!

He's home!

 

FaceTime was more realistic today!!! We got Trav home a couple days early. He still has a way to go before being better, but he's able to rest at home, yay! We are all so happy to have him home, just his presence makes us feel more complete!

 

Things went well today. Travis is recovering in the hospital for a few days. His ostomy is reversed and we are praying that things start working so he can come home!

Visiting Daddy!

Hospital had restrictions so the kids couldn't go see Daddy so we did FaceTime instead!!

Surgery Prep

 

We are going to miss Daddy while he is at the Hospital. Lots of tears while everyone was going to bed

Happy New Year

Well could fall asleep any minute, I'm so sick and so we stayed home and I'm calling an early night. 2014 was one of the hardest years, very worn out from our trials...but also so grateful for those who strengthened and supported us! Trav has a surgery next week to reverse his ostomy, we will hopefully have happy scans and hopefully stop chemo next year! We have learned so much and have been very blessed. Hopeful for an easier 2015, even if we are starting it out sick! Happy New Year!!

From Travis (Pain)

Someone asked me what the worst part of cancer is. I have to leave emotional pain out of it, it's too hard to measure that. They wondered if feeling sick was the worst. That's bad, it is. But if you want to know what has been the worst for me, I can tell you it's the physical pain involved. I think many people don't think about that. I know I never used to. But it's easily been the hardest on a temporal level. It hurts. It hurts a ton! And it's unique. It's a beast.

So many procedures...

2 years ago today Travis was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, for the 2nd time. It feels like its been so much longer, 4 surgeries, including two illeostomies, 6 weeks of carrying around a chemo bag, 6 months of intense awful chemo, 6 more months of maintenance chemo, radiation, many scares, many questions, few answers, him losing his ability to walk, ER visits, he lost 90 pounds, nueropathy, stroke, too many MRIs, colonoscopies, ct scans and other tests to count. Through it all we were so blessed to have the constant support of my family, a great ward, wonderful friends and the knowledge that this is all part of a greater plan. 5 months of remission...only 4 years and 7 months to go before we can say hes cancer free and hopefully only 3 more months of Chemo, hopefully only 1 more surgery and we know there will still be many more tests to go.

From Travis

Thank you to everyone who posted some pics yesterday with words of support. This hasn't been easy, but man I've sure had the best support I could ask for. From beards with bows, to orange-outs and jerseys, to a personal tweet from my favorite Bronco of all time, it made my day. And I really wanted to thank you for it. I won't lie, I shed some tearballs yesterday. It meant that much to me. Thank you.

From Travis - Comforting a friend with Cancer

Jessica this is EXACTLY how I've felt. So many times I've wanted to quit chemo. Ive wanted to just scream as loud as I could, curl into bed and bawl my head off, and run away. I've literally fantasized about just letting it beat me so I could get release and go to heaven and let it end. It is the loneliest I've ever felt, the sickest I've ever been, and for the love I'm still exhausted. I think I've given up hope for ever getting my energy back.

But all that being said, I want to win the fight. I put my head down and shoulder forward and take it one day at a time. I do it for my family, my wife, my kids, but most of all myself. I want life to be on my terms. Yes there are days I feel defeated and maybe the cancer or more accurately all the side effects from treatment, win a battle here and there. It sucks. There is no denying it. But I just tell myself to keep fighting. It's incredibly difficult.

I don't even understand how you feel completely. All our fights are different. I'm not an expert. The only one that knows how you feel and how hard it is, is you. Perhaps that's why its so easy to feel alone. And why it's so hard to stay positive and keep fighting. There are no guarantees fighting hard will get a win in the end. But I truly honestly believe it's worth trying to find out. Hang in there please Jessica. So many people love you and are praying for you. And we don't want to let something so rude and horrible to get a win against us. One day at a time, heck, one moment at a time. Hang in there please please please. No promise I will too. Let's do what we can to get some wins on the column. Heaven knows we need it.

 

Trav was given the coolest blanket ever!

From Travis

I already knew we had the best home teachers in the entire world. I had no doubt in my mind, it was obvious. But they're no longer my home teachers, and yesterday they still came over. They brought this. Yes it's a mini Denver Broncos helmet pretty cool by itself right? But then noticed the fact that it's also signed by Chris Harris, one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL. Literally top 10 on pro football focus.

 

From Travis

I look at this picture and a flood of emotion runs through me. Happiness, hope, sadness, fear, regret, satisfaction. All of it and then some. Things were turning "simple" for us when this picture was taken. The next two years provided nothing but progress and hope.

Then it happened. I still remember the exact words and the sound of the doctors voice is as vivid today as it was then "The test came back showing positive for cancer." 4 1/2 years have all but been consumed by disease, illness, depression, anxiety, and worst if all: hopelessness.

Today I fight each day to wake up and I have to make a very and all to real choice to have hope and be as happy as possible. Some of the damage done will never be reversed in this life. Some will with time. And some already has.

But I know I'll be okay. Even if things don't "work out" the way I want. I know God has a plan for me. And someday I'll be back in the arms of my Savior and I'll finally be able to say "I did it, I'm home, thank You, I could not have done it without you ."