Jessica
this is EXACTLY how I've felt. So many times I've wanted to quit
chemo. Ive wanted to just scream as loud as I could, curl into bed and
bawl my head off, and run away. I've literally fantasized about just
letting it beat me so I could get release
and go to heaven and let it end. It is the loneliest I've ever felt,
the sickest I've ever been, and for the love I'm still exhausted. I
think I've given up hope for ever getting my energy back.
But
all that being said, I want to win the fight. I put my head down and
shoulder forward and take it one day at a time. I do it for my family,
my wife, my kids, but most of all myself. I want life to be on my terms.
Yes there are days I feel defeated and maybe the cancer or more
accurately all the side effects from treatment, win a battle here and
there. It sucks. There is no denying it. But I just tell myself to keep
fighting. It's incredibly difficult.
I
don't even understand how you feel completely. All our fights are
different. I'm not an expert. The only one that knows how you feel and
how hard it is, is you. Perhaps that's why its so easy to feel alone.
And why it's so hard to stay positive and keep fighting. There are no
guarantees fighting hard will get a win in the end. But I truly
honestly believe it's worth trying to find out. Hang in there please
Jessica. So many people love you and are praying for you. And we don't
want to let something so rude and horrible to get a win against us. One
day at a time, heck, one moment at a time. Hang in there please please
please. No promise I will too. Let's do what we can to get some wins on
the column. Heaven knows we need it.
